Brent is home and I am very pleased for this. He is trying very hard and has been cleaning up and wanting to do so much. I keep telling him to chill and its ok but he wants to do it. I appreciate this I do and I understand the need/want but to me - I don't need someone to do these things, I just want my son - here with us. To me thats everything.
Brent called tonight - he wants to come home so Larry is going to pick him up. Hopefully he means it and this works. Time will tell.
We went to the youth place where Brent was staying to have a meeting with their intake workers and him. Trying to figure out what Brent needs to do in order to come home. It was supposed to happen yesterday but they had to postpone it. All day I have been looking forward to this meeting, I haven't seen Brent or spoken to him or anything sincce last Sunday. I kept telling myself when I saw him to not grab him and hug him and cry and try to just be strong. Something I have to tell myself on a almost constant basis regardless lately.
I drove downtown and Larry and I walked over to the place. We were informed Brent wasn't back yet and we will wait for him to start the meeting. My heart sunk. He is doing the same thing he does at home. I fully expected to not see him at all at this point. The gal gave us a tour of the place and told us of what they do. I am impressed really - I will not be as quick to say we have no social programs. This is a good program, this is a good house (with rules much stickter than ours), nice looking place. I hate it though - because I want my son here with me, I want him to be with us as a family not there. So as much as I think they are doing a great job and I appreciate them and their work - I still hate them. If that makes sense.
We left and I still never saw or heard Brent. I fought back tears as we walked back to Larry's office and am still in a state of wonderment as to this whole situation. I don't understand any of it at all and I have no idea how to fix it. Again I am lost in the fog.
~K
I drove downtown and Larry and I walked over to the place. We were informed Brent wasn't back yet and we will wait for him to start the meeting. My heart sunk. He is doing the same thing he does at home. I fully expected to not see him at all at this point. The gal gave us a tour of the place and told us of what they do. I am impressed really - I will not be as quick to say we have no social programs. This is a good program, this is a good house (with rules much stickter than ours), nice looking place. I hate it though - because I want my son here with me, I want him to be with us as a family not there. So as much as I think they are doing a great job and I appreciate them and their work - I still hate them. If that makes sense.
We left and I still never saw or heard Brent. I fought back tears as we walked back to Larry's office and am still in a state of wonderment as to this whole situation. I don't understand any of it at all and I have no idea how to fix it. Again I am lost in the fog.
~K
My mind keeps racing of absolutely everything in my life that is not working as it should. Right from the kitchen sink (Literally!!) to the relationship I don't have with my son right now. It's quite the list. I am feeling unable to do anything about any of it.
This is a new blog - I decided to make it because there are some pretty ugly people out there who enjoy feeding off others misery. I don't feel like feeding their sickness.
The update is this. Brent is at a youth center downtown since the evening of the 14th. We are today (the 18th) going to counselling there with him. He was taken to school by them and has finished his final exams - that is the good news. The bad news is, I think I could possibly be going right out of my mind. It's getting very hard to see lights at the end of the tunnel, or even see the tunnel itself anymore for the blackness. Still we go on.. breath in and breath out and thats about all I can do.
I'll update how the meeting today goes
~K
The update is this. Brent is at a youth center downtown since the evening of the 14th. We are today (the 18th) going to counselling there with him. He was taken to school by them and has finished his final exams - that is the good news. The bad news is, I think I could possibly be going right out of my mind. It's getting very hard to see lights at the end of the tunnel, or even see the tunnel itself anymore for the blackness. Still we go on.. breath in and breath out and thats about all I can do.
I'll update how the meeting today goes
~K
1 step forward - 2 steps back
He is gone again. This time at a youth shelter down town.
He is gone again. This time at a youth shelter down town.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Some Good News
Last night Larry and I went to Jessica's school for a conference with her Psychologist. Jessica gets tested about every 5 years or so because she is diagnosed as ADHD and on medication. It lets us know where she is and what (if anything) she needs help with, as far as her education is concerned. We were told she is an exceptionally bright child and very warm loving and kind. No big shock there. She also told us that Jessica scored amazingly high in one area - the highest she had ever seen. Her cognitive/reasoning was 98 Percentile. She said that she was very amazed watching Jessica sort through problems. She said that she is gifted with concepts and anything with many dimensions (which is why she is good at math and art). It also explains why she is so good at Sudoku. Her only falling is spelling - no big deal Jessica, that's your Dad's weakness too! We'll work on it!Love ya girl you are awesome! Mom (me) is so proud of you!~K
Some Good News
Last night Larry and I went to Jessica's school for a conference with her Psychologist. Jessica gets tested about every 5 years or so because she is diagnosed as ADHD and on medication. It lets us know where she is and what (if anything) she needs help with, as far as her education is concerned. We were told she is an exceptionally bright child and very warm loving and kind. No big shock there. She also told us that Jessica scored amazingly high in one area - the highest she had ever seen. Her cognitive/reasoning was 98 Percentile. She said that she was very amazed watching Jessica sort through problems. She said that she is gifted with concepts and anything with many dimensions (which is why she is good at math and art). It also explains why she is so good at Sudoku. Her only falling is spelling - no big deal Jessica, that's your Dad's weakness too! We'll work on it!Love ya girl you are awesome! Mom (me) is so proud of you!~K
The Aftershock
My body seems to be suffering some after effects of all the recent events. Yesterday my body rejected food and then last night I was awakened throughout the night with anxiety attacks, which continued on into waking, and are happening through the day. I am not used to anxiety attacks so not sure what to do with that. Do I wait it out and try to just calm down? Does it go away on it's own? I hope so. Tonight I plan to take Buddy for a walk so that might help. I guess my body just needs some unwinding down time.
My body seems to be suffering some after effects of all the recent events. Yesterday my body rejected food and then last night I was awakened throughout the night with anxiety attacks, which continued on into waking, and are happening through the day. I am not used to anxiety attacks so not sure what to do with that. Do I wait it out and try to just calm down? Does it go away on it's own? I hope so. Tonight I plan to take Buddy for a walk so that might help. I guess my body just needs some unwinding down time.
Sunday, June 7, 2009
He's Home
Brent was found on Friday hanging out side of Lord Beaverbrook School with friends he met when he went there in grade 10. What these students could possible hold for him in friendship is beyond me. These are the "Friends" who were with him when he was caught shoplifting yet ran off and let him take the fall for it all. Is that a friend? Anyway, he had a backpack with him with clothes in it. So it seems he had ever intention of never coming back. What did he plan to do? I have no idea? Live the rest of his life being hid out by his friends or on the streets I suppose? I guess it didn't occure to him that the people WHO GAVE HIM LIFE (his father and I) were worth respect or kindness. I don't think any occures to him at all these days but his own selfish needs and wants.He came home and when I saw him my heart lept. I was so happy just to see him and that he wasn't dead. I had been fighting tears all week with the deepset fear he was dead. I felt so amazingly helpless. I don't think I have ever felt so low in my life - not even when my father died. Something Brent might want to remember. He has a chance to know his father and talk to him - mine is gone and that won't ever change.So I dont' really know much. I know he had "Friends" who kept him at their house. He said that the parents knew he was there. I wonder if they knew he was a run away and if they knew a missing persons was out on him. Larry had filed a missing persons on Thursday. I wonder what they would tell the cops if they came knocking at their door. I know who it was "Jofrey and Kass" and have every intention of making sure their parents know the truth and whole situation. As I said before these are not "Friends" who help Brent to be homeless and hide him. That isn't helping him in the least.Brent has decided he wants to quit school and take mechanics. When there is just 2 weeks of school left. Bascially our money down the toilet. He has agreed to finish the last few weeks and we are looking to family counselling. Hopefully over the summer with some professional help he can get back on track and see his "friends" are hardly that at all. Like I said, Friends help you move forward not pull you backward. I guess they are in misery and just want the company.Our talking to him and trying to make him realize what he's put us through has no effect at all. It's as if he just doesn't care. I know he is a good hearted person to others why is he so horrible to us? I don't understand what we have done as parents to warrant that. We give him everything including our love (AND friendship since we actually DO want him to go forward) and we get treated like garbage. Its enough to make a person crazy and it about has.I want to thank all my family and friends who were there for me through this latest episode. I am truly blessed to have you all in my life. I don't think I would have made it through this week without you and your kind words and support. There are not words enough to express my gratitude, and love.This is our situation now at our house. I will update as things go on. ~K
He's Home
Brent was found on Friday hanging out side of Lord Beaverbrook School with friends he met when he went there in grade 10. What these students could possible hold for him in friendship is beyond me. These are the "Friends" who were with him when he was caught shoplifting yet ran off and let him take the fall for it all. Is that a friend? Anyway, he had a backpack with him with clothes in it. So it seems he had ever intention of never coming back. What did he plan to do? I have no idea? Live the rest of his life being hid out by his friends or on the streets I suppose? I guess it didn't occure to him that the people WHO GAVE HIM LIFE (his father and I) were worth respect or kindness. I don't think any occures to him at all these days but his own selfish needs and wants.He came home and when I saw him my heart lept. I was so happy just to see him and that he wasn't dead. I had been fighting tears all week with the deepset fear he was dead. I felt so amazingly helpless. I don't think I have ever felt so low in my life - not even when my father died. Something Brent might want to remember. He has a chance to know his father and talk to him - mine is gone and that won't ever change.So I dont' really know much. I know he had "Friends" who kept him at their house. He said that the parents knew he was there. I wonder if they knew he was a run away and if they knew a missing persons was out on him. Larry had filed a missing persons on Thursday. I wonder what they would tell the cops if they came knocking at their door. I know who it was "Jofrey and Kass" and have every intention of making sure their parents know the truth and whole situation. As I said before these are not "Friends" who help Brent to be homeless and hide him. That isn't helping him in the least.Brent has decided he wants to quit school and take mechanics. When there is just 2 weeks of school left. Bascially our money down the toilet. He has agreed to finish the last few weeks and we are looking to family counselling. Hopefully over the summer with some professional help he can get back on track and see his "friends" are hardly that at all. Like I said, Friends help you move forward not pull you backward. I guess they are in misery and just want the company.Our talking to him and trying to make him realize what he's put us through has no effect at all. It's as if he just doesn't care. I know he is a good hearted person to others why is he so horrible to us? I don't understand what we have done as parents to warrant that. We give him everything including our love (AND friendship since we actually DO want him to go forward) and we get treated like garbage. Its enough to make a person crazy and it about has.I want to thank all my family and friends who were there for me through this latest episode. I am truly blessed to have you all in my life. I don't think I would have made it through this week without you and your kind words and support. There are not words enough to express my gratitude, and love.This is our situation now at our house. I will update as things go on. ~K
Tuesday, June 2, 2009 - REPOST FROM PREVIOUS BLOG
I've decided to share what we are going through with our oldest child (teenager) Brent. We certainly can't be the only ones going through it and for sure not the last but amazingly enough we are feeling incredibly alone even still.Brent hit his teen years and became a different person. It was almost a over night experience. He went into high school and changed. Now I know we all change and please don't give me any boys will be boys or he's just sowing wild oats or whatever. We are so past that.Some background might help. Brent is ADHD. Now I don't want to hear any of this "it doesn't exist" or "misdiagnosed" crap. It DOES and he has it - end of story. One example is when we moved here from Edmonton and his new teacher told us "none" of her students are on meds, she has them off of it quickly, etc etc. This was a class he was in for students that needed help and assistance. Well he started and she had him off medication (we told her it was a bad idea but she didn't believe it, and didn't believe kids needed it) needless to say he was back on it within the month (if I remember correctly it was with-in the week actually). She never took him off again. He has ADHD - end of story.Anyways that class was great and she was a fantastic teacher. Brent loved her as did we. She had the right balance of patience and Stern to make it all work. He then went on from there to JR High school.In Jr. High school he started to change. The class he was in was different and he was unhappy. We had to go through all the testing again (as they do with schools to get their funding). He went from a great student to a average student to a almost non existent student. It was not going well for him and he was acting out more at home. He started getting into fights at school. The downward spiral had begun. During this time we had many parent/teacher conferences as well with the principal. I asked ALL the time if these special "smaller" classes were following the same guidelines as the other classes and if he was learning the same things. EACH TIME I was assured that was the case. Then came High School.He went to a very large High school (2nd most populated in North America). He was soon lost in the shuffle and was literally walking out during some classes. We went into the school because they wanted him to have more testing. What we found out was everything we had been told until that point was a huge lie. He hadn't been taught the same as everyone else at all and was horribly behind. I was furious. We just didn't' know what to do next. Brent started acting out more and more. This also began his going out and not coming home, sometimes for days at a time. We just didn't know what to do at all. He started smoking, both cigarettes and pot, drinking, staying out all night. He wasn't following house rules, he was disrespecting all of us. We felt just out of control. The school finally fed up with him leaving class all the time expelled him at the age of 15.Brent went to work at various jobs, McDonald's, the movie theater. Nothing he ever stayed with for long and the patterns continued. We discussed Military School in Ontario. The cost was outrageous and something we really couldn't afford. We were trying to think of ways to do it what to sell. I set about looking for a job but that still wouldn't be enough to cover it. It is the only Military School in Canada. I was at a loss. Seemed a lose lose situation. My mom and Brother found out about Third Academy here in Calgary and we looked into it further. Seemed to be the answer to it all.Third Academy is specially for kids who are diagnosed ADD or ADHD and the system has left behind. Seems there are a lot of them! They get them up to speed and then off to college. They have very very small classes (his grade 11 class is about 7 kids or so). They wear uniforms and the school is out of the city very remote - so if he left he has no place to go. Door to door bus service too. Downside - cost. Yes things worth having you pay for - I have come to realize that includes Education and Health Care, and it never comes cheap. So back to work I go to help with the costs.Bit of a side track here. My mom isn't doing so well. She needs heart surgery badly and at this point in time needed to go to the doctor 2 - 3 times a week to get her blood checked because of the blood thinners she was on. Now I was her transportation until this point. I enjoyed it and enjoyed spending time with her. Now I was going to work and having to deal with that emotionally on top of my son's now complete disrespect and selfishness, and feelings of parental failures and daughter failures(me being the daughter). So needless to say I am now on a roller coaster ride of stress and sadness - it has yet to stop. I can hide it well - sometimes.So now Brent starts at the new school and we are hopeful. For the first while things seem to be going pretty well. He actually enjoys it and is excited about going. He makes new friends and we are thinking OK, its all done - now we move forward. The dialog starts up again between us all and we start to slowly feel better. Then we get a call he was shop lifting at the store. Then we get a call he was shoplifting at another store more than once. Then he has to go to court. Then on Wednesdays (His schools half days) he comes home and leaves - not to show up until late that night 0r sometimes again days later. The slide backwards was major and fast and horrible.He is not going forward at all, actually seems to be sliding further and further backwards. We are feeling just unable to stop it!Now I really don't care if you want to judge me as a parent or if you want to put the blame on our parenting or whatever. If you feel that its all our doing then just stop reading and go away. I have yet to meet a perfect teenager in this city - I don't think it happens.So today I am on day 2 of him not being here - again. The police don't do anything because it happens just too much. I think our next step is counselling. What I am asking is people who are reading this, who are friends - family. We need help here. support of some kind (I don't mean money). Brent needs it - I really want him to succeed and do well but I am asking for help for him to get there. We just don't know what to do. Any ideas, anything would be helpful. Don't shut us/him out - we are asking for you to be a part of his intervention. Any suggestions would be great. Please nothing that consists of "He just needs more love and attention" I might be apt to lose it completely.
I've decided to share what we are going through with our oldest child (teenager) Brent. We certainly can't be the only ones going through it and for sure not the last but amazingly enough we are feeling incredibly alone even still.Brent hit his teen years and became a different person. It was almost a over night experience. He went into high school and changed. Now I know we all change and please don't give me any boys will be boys or he's just sowing wild oats or whatever. We are so past that.Some background might help. Brent is ADHD. Now I don't want to hear any of this "it doesn't exist" or "misdiagnosed" crap. It DOES and he has it - end of story. One example is when we moved here from Edmonton and his new teacher told us "none" of her students are on meds, she has them off of it quickly, etc etc. This was a class he was in for students that needed help and assistance. Well he started and she had him off medication (we told her it was a bad idea but she didn't believe it, and didn't believe kids needed it) needless to say he was back on it within the month (if I remember correctly it was with-in the week actually). She never took him off again. He has ADHD - end of story.Anyways that class was great and she was a fantastic teacher. Brent loved her as did we. She had the right balance of patience and Stern to make it all work. He then went on from there to JR High school.In Jr. High school he started to change. The class he was in was different and he was unhappy. We had to go through all the testing again (as they do with schools to get their funding). He went from a great student to a average student to a almost non existent student. It was not going well for him and he was acting out more at home. He started getting into fights at school. The downward spiral had begun. During this time we had many parent/teacher conferences as well with the principal. I asked ALL the time if these special "smaller" classes were following the same guidelines as the other classes and if he was learning the same things. EACH TIME I was assured that was the case. Then came High School.He went to a very large High school (2nd most populated in North America). He was soon lost in the shuffle and was literally walking out during some classes. We went into the school because they wanted him to have more testing. What we found out was everything we had been told until that point was a huge lie. He hadn't been taught the same as everyone else at all and was horribly behind. I was furious. We just didn't' know what to do next. Brent started acting out more and more. This also began his going out and not coming home, sometimes for days at a time. We just didn't know what to do at all. He started smoking, both cigarettes and pot, drinking, staying out all night. He wasn't following house rules, he was disrespecting all of us. We felt just out of control. The school finally fed up with him leaving class all the time expelled him at the age of 15.Brent went to work at various jobs, McDonald's, the movie theater. Nothing he ever stayed with for long and the patterns continued. We discussed Military School in Ontario. The cost was outrageous and something we really couldn't afford. We were trying to think of ways to do it what to sell. I set about looking for a job but that still wouldn't be enough to cover it. It is the only Military School in Canada. I was at a loss. Seemed a lose lose situation. My mom and Brother found out about Third Academy here in Calgary and we looked into it further. Seemed to be the answer to it all.Third Academy is specially for kids who are diagnosed ADD or ADHD and the system has left behind. Seems there are a lot of them! They get them up to speed and then off to college. They have very very small classes (his grade 11 class is about 7 kids or so). They wear uniforms and the school is out of the city very remote - so if he left he has no place to go. Door to door bus service too. Downside - cost. Yes things worth having you pay for - I have come to realize that includes Education and Health Care, and it never comes cheap. So back to work I go to help with the costs.Bit of a side track here. My mom isn't doing so well. She needs heart surgery badly and at this point in time needed to go to the doctor 2 - 3 times a week to get her blood checked because of the blood thinners she was on. Now I was her transportation until this point. I enjoyed it and enjoyed spending time with her. Now I was going to work and having to deal with that emotionally on top of my son's now complete disrespect and selfishness, and feelings of parental failures and daughter failures(me being the daughter). So needless to say I am now on a roller coaster ride of stress and sadness - it has yet to stop. I can hide it well - sometimes.So now Brent starts at the new school and we are hopeful. For the first while things seem to be going pretty well. He actually enjoys it and is excited about going. He makes new friends and we are thinking OK, its all done - now we move forward. The dialog starts up again between us all and we start to slowly feel better. Then we get a call he was shop lifting at the store. Then we get a call he was shoplifting at another store more than once. Then he has to go to court. Then on Wednesdays (His schools half days) he comes home and leaves - not to show up until late that night 0r sometimes again days later. The slide backwards was major and fast and horrible.He is not going forward at all, actually seems to be sliding further and further backwards. We are feeling just unable to stop it!Now I really don't care if you want to judge me as a parent or if you want to put the blame on our parenting or whatever. If you feel that its all our doing then just stop reading and go away. I have yet to meet a perfect teenager in this city - I don't think it happens.So today I am on day 2 of him not being here - again. The police don't do anything because it happens just too much. I think our next step is counselling. What I am asking is people who are reading this, who are friends - family. We need help here. support of some kind (I don't mean money). Brent needs it - I really want him to succeed and do well but I am asking for help for him to get there. We just don't know what to do. Any ideas, anything would be helpful. Don't shut us/him out - we are asking for you to be a part of his intervention. Any suggestions would be great. Please nothing that consists of "He just needs more love and attention" I might be apt to lose it completely.