Tuesday, June 2, 2009 - REPOST FROM PREVIOUS BLOG
I've decided to share what we are going through with our oldest child (teenager) Brent. We certainly can't be the only ones going through it and for sure not the last but amazingly enough we are feeling incredibly alone even still.Brent hit his teen years and became a different person. It was almost a over night experience. He went into high school and changed. Now I know we all change and please don't give me any boys will be boys or he's just sowing wild oats or whatever. We are so past that.Some background might help. Brent is ADHD. Now I don't want to hear any of this "it doesn't exist" or "misdiagnosed" crap. It DOES and he has it - end of story. One example is when we moved here from Edmonton and his new teacher told us "none" of her students are on meds, she has them off of it quickly, etc etc. This was a class he was in for students that needed help and assistance. Well he started and she had him off medication (we told her it was a bad idea but she didn't believe it, and didn't believe kids needed it) needless to say he was back on it within the month (if I remember correctly it was with-in the week actually). She never took him off again. He has ADHD - end of story.Anyways that class was great and she was a fantastic teacher. Brent loved her as did we. She had the right balance of patience and Stern to make it all work. He then went on from there to JR High school.In Jr. High school he started to change. The class he was in was different and he was unhappy. We had to go through all the testing again (as they do with schools to get their funding). He went from a great student to a average student to a almost non existent student. It was not going well for him and he was acting out more at home. He started getting into fights at school. The downward spiral had begun. During this time we had many parent/teacher conferences as well with the principal. I asked ALL the time if these special "smaller" classes were following the same guidelines as the other classes and if he was learning the same things. EACH TIME I was assured that was the case. Then came High School.He went to a very large High school (2nd most populated in North America). He was soon lost in the shuffle and was literally walking out during some classes. We went into the school because they wanted him to have more testing. What we found out was everything we had been told until that point was a huge lie. He hadn't been taught the same as everyone else at all and was horribly behind. I was furious. We just didn't' know what to do next. Brent started acting out more and more. This also began his going out and not coming home, sometimes for days at a time. We just didn't know what to do at all. He started smoking, both cigarettes and pot, drinking, staying out all night. He wasn't following house rules, he was disrespecting all of us. We felt just out of control. The school finally fed up with him leaving class all the time expelled him at the age of 15.Brent went to work at various jobs, McDonald's, the movie theater. Nothing he ever stayed with for long and the patterns continued. We discussed Military School in Ontario. The cost was outrageous and something we really couldn't afford. We were trying to think of ways to do it what to sell. I set about looking for a job but that still wouldn't be enough to cover it. It is the only Military School in Canada. I was at a loss. Seemed a lose lose situation. My mom and Brother found out about Third Academy here in Calgary and we looked into it further. Seemed to be the answer to it all.Third Academy is specially for kids who are diagnosed ADD or ADHD and the system has left behind. Seems there are a lot of them! They get them up to speed and then off to college. They have very very small classes (his grade 11 class is about 7 kids or so). They wear uniforms and the school is out of the city very remote - so if he left he has no place to go. Door to door bus service too. Downside - cost. Yes things worth having you pay for - I have come to realize that includes Education and Health Care, and it never comes cheap. So back to work I go to help with the costs.Bit of a side track here. My mom isn't doing so well. She needs heart surgery badly and at this point in time needed to go to the doctor 2 - 3 times a week to get her blood checked because of the blood thinners she was on. Now I was her transportation until this point. I enjoyed it and enjoyed spending time with her. Now I was going to work and having to deal with that emotionally on top of my son's now complete disrespect and selfishness, and feelings of parental failures and daughter failures(me being the daughter). So needless to say I am now on a roller coaster ride of stress and sadness - it has yet to stop. I can hide it well - sometimes.So now Brent starts at the new school and we are hopeful. For the first while things seem to be going pretty well. He actually enjoys it and is excited about going. He makes new friends and we are thinking OK, its all done - now we move forward. The dialog starts up again between us all and we start to slowly feel better. Then we get a call he was shop lifting at the store. Then we get a call he was shoplifting at another store more than once. Then he has to go to court. Then on Wednesdays (His schools half days) he comes home and leaves - not to show up until late that night 0r sometimes again days later. The slide backwards was major and fast and horrible.He is not going forward at all, actually seems to be sliding further and further backwards. We are feeling just unable to stop it!Now I really don't care if you want to judge me as a parent or if you want to put the blame on our parenting or whatever. If you feel that its all our doing then just stop reading and go away. I have yet to meet a perfect teenager in this city - I don't think it happens.So today I am on day 2 of him not being here - again. The police don't do anything because it happens just too much. I think our next step is counselling. What I am asking is people who are reading this, who are friends - family. We need help here. support of some kind (I don't mean money). Brent needs it - I really want him to succeed and do well but I am asking for help for him to get there. We just don't know what to do. Any ideas, anything would be helpful. Don't shut us/him out - we are asking for you to be a part of his intervention. Any suggestions would be great. Please nothing that consists of "He just needs more love and attention" I might be apt to lose it completely.
I've decided to share what we are going through with our oldest child (teenager) Brent. We certainly can't be the only ones going through it and for sure not the last but amazingly enough we are feeling incredibly alone even still.Brent hit his teen years and became a different person. It was almost a over night experience. He went into high school and changed. Now I know we all change and please don't give me any boys will be boys or he's just sowing wild oats or whatever. We are so past that.Some background might help. Brent is ADHD. Now I don't want to hear any of this "it doesn't exist" or "misdiagnosed" crap. It DOES and he has it - end of story. One example is when we moved here from Edmonton and his new teacher told us "none" of her students are on meds, she has them off of it quickly, etc etc. This was a class he was in for students that needed help and assistance. Well he started and she had him off medication (we told her it was a bad idea but she didn't believe it, and didn't believe kids needed it) needless to say he was back on it within the month (if I remember correctly it was with-in the week actually). She never took him off again. He has ADHD - end of story.Anyways that class was great and she was a fantastic teacher. Brent loved her as did we. She had the right balance of patience and Stern to make it all work. He then went on from there to JR High school.In Jr. High school he started to change. The class he was in was different and he was unhappy. We had to go through all the testing again (as they do with schools to get their funding). He went from a great student to a average student to a almost non existent student. It was not going well for him and he was acting out more at home. He started getting into fights at school. The downward spiral had begun. During this time we had many parent/teacher conferences as well with the principal. I asked ALL the time if these special "smaller" classes were following the same guidelines as the other classes and if he was learning the same things. EACH TIME I was assured that was the case. Then came High School.He went to a very large High school (2nd most populated in North America). He was soon lost in the shuffle and was literally walking out during some classes. We went into the school because they wanted him to have more testing. What we found out was everything we had been told until that point was a huge lie. He hadn't been taught the same as everyone else at all and was horribly behind. I was furious. We just didn't' know what to do next. Brent started acting out more and more. This also began his going out and not coming home, sometimes for days at a time. We just didn't know what to do at all. He started smoking, both cigarettes and pot, drinking, staying out all night. He wasn't following house rules, he was disrespecting all of us. We felt just out of control. The school finally fed up with him leaving class all the time expelled him at the age of 15.Brent went to work at various jobs, McDonald's, the movie theater. Nothing he ever stayed with for long and the patterns continued. We discussed Military School in Ontario. The cost was outrageous and something we really couldn't afford. We were trying to think of ways to do it what to sell. I set about looking for a job but that still wouldn't be enough to cover it. It is the only Military School in Canada. I was at a loss. Seemed a lose lose situation. My mom and Brother found out about Third Academy here in Calgary and we looked into it further. Seemed to be the answer to it all.Third Academy is specially for kids who are diagnosed ADD or ADHD and the system has left behind. Seems there are a lot of them! They get them up to speed and then off to college. They have very very small classes (his grade 11 class is about 7 kids or so). They wear uniforms and the school is out of the city very remote - so if he left he has no place to go. Door to door bus service too. Downside - cost. Yes things worth having you pay for - I have come to realize that includes Education and Health Care, and it never comes cheap. So back to work I go to help with the costs.Bit of a side track here. My mom isn't doing so well. She needs heart surgery badly and at this point in time needed to go to the doctor 2 - 3 times a week to get her blood checked because of the blood thinners she was on. Now I was her transportation until this point. I enjoyed it and enjoyed spending time with her. Now I was going to work and having to deal with that emotionally on top of my son's now complete disrespect and selfishness, and feelings of parental failures and daughter failures(me being the daughter). So needless to say I am now on a roller coaster ride of stress and sadness - it has yet to stop. I can hide it well - sometimes.So now Brent starts at the new school and we are hopeful. For the first while things seem to be going pretty well. He actually enjoys it and is excited about going. He makes new friends and we are thinking OK, its all done - now we move forward. The dialog starts up again between us all and we start to slowly feel better. Then we get a call he was shop lifting at the store. Then we get a call he was shoplifting at another store more than once. Then he has to go to court. Then on Wednesdays (His schools half days) he comes home and leaves - not to show up until late that night 0r sometimes again days later. The slide backwards was major and fast and horrible.He is not going forward at all, actually seems to be sliding further and further backwards. We are feeling just unable to stop it!Now I really don't care if you want to judge me as a parent or if you want to put the blame on our parenting or whatever. If you feel that its all our doing then just stop reading and go away. I have yet to meet a perfect teenager in this city - I don't think it happens.So today I am on day 2 of him not being here - again. The police don't do anything because it happens just too much. I think our next step is counselling. What I am asking is people who are reading this, who are friends - family. We need help here. support of some kind (I don't mean money). Brent needs it - I really want him to succeed and do well but I am asking for help for him to get there. We just don't know what to do. Any ideas, anything would be helpful. Don't shut us/him out - we are asking for you to be a part of his intervention. Any suggestions would be great. Please nothing that consists of "He just needs more love and attention" I might be apt to lose it completely.
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