Today I feel like crap. Today I am supposed to be happy but now the days I feel happy seem so far away I can't see them. Today I am reflecting, as I have been most days. Today I think about how I (like most mothers) always want what is best for my kids. If anyone was to ever ask me my answer for happiness was the same, healthy happy kids. Today I awake wondering how my son slept, what he is doing today, how did this all happen. Today has too much emotion - today means too much.

Today is two things for me. It marks one of the happiest days of my life and the saddest. Today I have been married for 19 years and today my father passed away 13 years ago. Today is conflicted and like most my days lately leaves me in knots.

So Today, I will get up, go to work and go for dinner to celibrate my anniversaray and Today I will try shove my other emotions way down deep and try to pretend they are not there at all. Today... I breath in and I breath out and continue.